Day 1

Sooo I'm not really sure where to start here as I'm having mixed emotions about today.  I'm going to list the positives and negatives and see where it takes me...

Positive

• I didn't drink my calories which is HUGE since I drink, excuse me, used to drink coke and sweet tea all day...and I'm talking 44oz cups from Sonic y'all.  edit - I decided to drink a beer as I type this
• I was under my calorie goal as determined by mfp
• I felt good about starting this journey
• I switched out my usual loaded mashed potatoes at Longhorn for the seasonal vegetables (and liked them I might add)
• I did workout and I must say I LOVE this routine  http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/kettlebell-workout
• I told the hubs no when he asked if I wanted a buy 1 get one for $0.99 blizzard from DQ 

Negative

• I STILL haven't gone grocery shopping
• I ate better, but still not what I would call "good"
• I didn't get in the cardio I had planned

 Actually now that I'm looking at it like this, it looks like I did OK considering we did have a crazy busy day trying to get the house ready for some work we're having done tomorrow and meeting with the accountant (ugh).  Part of the battle I've been having with myself is this: I feel like since I'm taking the time to put everything out there and share this journey that I should be off to a better start.  Maybe I should jump on the clean eating thing, maybe I should join a gym again, maybe this, maybe that.  Truth is, I think if I suddenly change everything I do, this won't last a week.  I'm starting slow and for now I'm trying to focus on the basic calories in/calories out and take it from there.

Things to work on

• making excuses, or not making them I guess - for example, "we did have a crazy busy day"
• putting my goals in writing 
• getting to the grocery store!!!
• better food choices

That's all for tonight.  The hubs and I are both off on the same night which is really rare around here.  Thank you all for your support and encouraging words.  It really is making a difference :)

It Starts Today!

OK well technically tomorrow, BUT today I am gearing up to start my new way of life.  Today I will make a grocery run and get rid of the absolute crap I've been eating.  I will also be making a list of goals for myself that I will be posting so you (assuming I can find people to follow haha) can hold me accountable.  That brings me to another thing. I guess I should tell you a little about me in hopes that you WILL follow and encourage and hold me accountable (wow that sounds scary...someone other than myself to answer to).

I'm 28 years old and married with an absolutely fabulous daughter who will be 2 in June.  I have a degree in Health Education and Behavior and work as a Registered Nurse in the ER a few nights a week.  Actually, I could go on and on about all that I have because I truly do have an AMAZING life.  Here's the problem: I feel like I'm missing out on so much of it because I don't love myself.

I haven't always been overweight, I wasn't teased all my life about the way I looked, and I don't have a sob story about something tragic that led me to eat.  I have done this myself.  It wasn't until I went to college that I started to gain weight.  I was warned about the freshman 15, but the 15 gained each year after that was totally unexpected!  I was no longer working out, on 3 sports teams, or having meals prepared by my mom every night.  I was living the college life now!  This involved everything you're probably thinking, including *warning - food porn image ahead* standing around the kitchen spooning cookie dough out of a tub with 5 of my roomies at 3am.  My apologies to anyone that is currently trying to kick old habits, but I warned you.  To add to all of this, I met my husband (who is a total foodie) my last year of college.  There's good news, right?  Why couldn't he have been a fitness instructor?!  Anyway, I won't bore you with more of the details, but here I am now.

Now I am 10 years out of high school, 75 pounds heavier and miserable.  Why am I miserable?

• at times, being 75 pounds overweight will make you physically miserable in itself
• I can't fit in the majority of my clothes and hate shopping for clothes that do fit because I don't like the way I look
• I spend most of my time in jeans and t-shirts, then get upset because I don't look like a put together almost 30 year old
• when my husband tells me how sexy/pretty/whatever I am, I get mad at him and am convinced he's lying
• I can't do some of the things I used to 
• I dread running into people from thinner days and sometimes won't do something if I'm afraid I have a good chance of seeing these people

Again, I could go on and on, but won't.  Long story short, and for those of you that are just tuning back in after I lost you somewhere in the first paragraph (it's OK, this is also for me to go back to later) I'm not happy even though I have so much to be happy about.  It scares me that my attitude has the potential to bring my whole family down. It's about time to start making changes.

Will you follow me and cheer me on (or chew me out if I need it) and give me fab recipe/workout ideas?  What are some of your grocery essentials since I'll be heading that way later today?